The "Pretty Hair" Tradition

When I was a little girl, I got my first perm while visiting my grandparents and relatives in Pittsburgh at an early age. I didn't understand what was going on, or what the implications were.. all I knew was that my auntie and my grandma were taking me to a hairstylist to get my hair done. Whatever this lady was going to do to my hair was going to make me look "pretty" so I didn't really care. 

Little did I know that I would be coming back home to a mother who was steaming hot mad. "I can't BELIEVE they did this to your hair!!!" "They should've at least called me first, and asked if it was ok!" and.. "Now my child's hair is RUINED.." so on and so forth.

Back then I didn't know what a perm was, and what it meant for African American females to subject themselves to getting one. But I can recall, as the years went by, my slow transition into the "good" hair, "bad" hair culture; where the girls with the "good" hair were associated with loose curls, wavy or straight hair, moderate to thin density, hair past the shoulders, and anything but BLACK (it could be brown, sandy brown, or reddish.. but not black.) And the girls with the "bad" hair were identified by tightly coiled, extremely difficult to manage or maintain, shorter, nappier and kinkier hair.

Not only this "good" hair, "bad" hair mentality start to do it's wear and tear on my self-image, but I actually started to buy into it after a while, envying my sister Zaneta, who my mother swore up and down got her genes from her great auntie "so-and-so", who was a "full-blood Indian" And all throughout my elementary, jr. high, and high school years, I hated my hair. Literally. Hated it. 

 My sissy Neta.

I only tolerated it when it was braided in together with some synthetic hair bought from the hair shop or something like that. "Now.." I thought to myself, "Now, I'm pretty." No one ever told me that years and years of perming, and braiding, and hot combing, and all those forms of repeated hair abuse would break my hair off, and grow bald spots around my temples, and stunt it's growth. That's just something I came to learn as I got older.

It's wasn't until I was in my late teens, just before graduating and leaving to live on my own, that I regained a sense of adoration for natural beauty. I started admiring Lauryn Hill's mountain of beautiful black locs on her head, and decided I would do the same. I grew dreadlocks for maybe about 2 years, in those very short 2 years, my hair grew from 1.5 inches (I had to hack off all my hair back then to start..) to hair that reached down my spine. I had a sudden epiphany then. I thought to myself "Maybe my hair just likes to be protected!" 

So fast forward to mommy-hood, and I've been through dozens of hairstyles since then, from hacking it off again to even braids and weaves (believe it or not,) but my mentality about hair and beauty in general has gone through some major reconstruction. #1. I care much less about it (...for charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised!) and #2. There is no such thing as "good" hair or "bad' hair. I've learned that if you take the time to get to know your hair, and educate yourself on how to manage it, then you'll be able to WORK IT with whatever you've got.

And what I've vowed to myself as a mother is to never tell my girls that they have "bad" hair. EVER. It just doesn't make sense. Why shame something that God decided would be perfect when HE created it??? I just do this thing with them called "pretty hair" and that's when I sit them down in the chair and gently, CAREFULLY do their hair. I can't tell you how excited Serayah (now 2 years old) is when I call out "time for pretty hair!!" She runs to the chair, and whenever I'm finished, the smiles go from ear-to-ear in the mirror. She goes "Pweeteeee!!!" and runs to go show her daddy. Of course, when she gets older, she will have to realize that beauty is composed of internal, not external elements, but for now, I would rather err on the side of confidence. She will have plenty of the negative criticism coming from everywhere else in this world as she grows up.